It all started with a text with my college friend’s boyfriend.
“Hey B, can we grab lunch?”
Aaron* and I might’ve been friends, but grabbing lunch? Solo? I noticed how my friend — his girlfriend — wasn’t invited. To me, this meant one of two things: he was either breaking up with her, or he was madly in love with me. Obviously.
I armed myself for the worst (he cheated, she’s pregnant, he’s holding my friend hostage and wants ransom) and met with Aaron later in the week at our favorite Bloody Mary joint. He seemed extra-fidgety, which didn’t suit the normally cocky guy buying my friends and I shots all through freshman year.
“So, I’m thinking of asking Jenna* to marry me,” he said immediately after we got our third round. I have never felt more relief to find out someone wasn’t crazy in love with me.
“Wait, really?!” I squealed in glee. “Does Jenna know? Have you talked to her parents? Did you pick out a ring?” The barrage of questions seemed to flow out of me like a stream. Jenna was one of my closest friends and also the only in our friend group to consistently be in a relationship. I was ecstatic.
“You’re the first person I told,” he said. “I thought you could help.”
I wasn’t sure whether I should be thrilled or terrified. I didn’t want the pressure of two of my friends’ proposals to fall on me. Besides, I’m not exactly good at keeping secrets.
In reality, this is a familiar scenario: friend’s boyfriend asks you for proposal or ring advice because he has virtually no idea where to begin. You, as her friend, are the closest link he has to her and her tastes. Besides, you probably know all about her secret wedding Pinterest boards.
Give Him Credit For Asking You For Proposal Advice
First things first, though: you have to give the guy some props for reaching out.
“Give your friend’s partner a pat on the back,” suggests Daniela Grafman, Chief Amazement Officer at Vision Event Co.. “And brownie points for being smart enough to ask you for advice!”
Stalk Her Pinterest
If your friend hasn’t confided in you about her dream wedding, check the next best thing: Pinterest. Chances are, she has a couple of boards or Pins floating around of rings she loves. Use that information to help her hubby-to-be.
Daniela recommends getting some screenshots of your friend’s Pinterest page and sharing them with her boo. Sharing Pins isn’t exactly a rough conversation to have, so your friend won’t be tipped off that something’s amiss.
Seek Out A Professional
Also, be sure to advise him to hire a photographer to capture all those special, impossible-to-recreate memories. An iPhone camera might be a great tool to use for a super impromptu proposal, but if he’s planning it out — which he is, if he came to you first — getting a professional is key.
“Capturing that genuine moment will definitely be appreciated by your friend and it’s a great memory to incorporate throughout your wedding planning process,” Daniela insists.
Remember: It’s About Them, Not You
Finally — and this is probably the most important proposal advice– remember it’s not about you or your tastes: it’s about her and her likes and dislikes. Know to distance yourself from the situation and don’t let your personality overwhelm the decisions you help your friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend with. It’s their day, after all, not yours.
“Make it personal and really consider what your friend would want versus what you would want or what would generally be considered sweet or romantic,” Daniela points out.
Now, just be sure to keep the proposal a secret from your friend — don’t want to ruin the surprise (no matter how much you want to!)
Don’t forget: each week we highlight the cutest proposals caught on Instagram! Submit yours by tagging @bridalpulse in your photo!
Need help picking out a ring? Check out our ring gallery!